Tag Archives: alone

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9 Mar

Hours roll into days, days into weeks

half standing still, half still moving,

with no words to speak,

paint stained images pass my lids

stinging, burning, blurring.

You’re fading again,

my memory won’t hold you for more than a few seconds.

My eyes begin to water as I know that’s all

all my memory can give,

all it can squeeze out.

Each time a little less detailed.

Soon enough you’ll just be a shadowed figure,

the outline to a once filled shape.

© Misseldr 2011

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4 Feb

How could he leave me like this?

I’m so selfish. Why was I so stubborn? How I wanted to just hold him close in my arms and show I didn’t care, everything was fine. But I didn’t want him to think I was a walkover so I kept my ground. Refusing.

I’m so stupid. He’s gone, we’re gone. FOREVER. Hearing those words leave his mouth, cutting me so easily, so deeply like tiny shards of glass, piercing my skin, releasing my anger.

I was so ANGRY, furious that he compared me to her. How he hated her and for him to say I was ‘just like her’ my heart stopped, our book slammed shut in my face.

What had I done? I’ve messed it up. But it wasn’t me, it was him. He’s messing with my mind, switching and turning. It WAS HIM. He started it. I hated him I wanted him gone. How silly of me.

I want him back, I want him now. ‘I want to go’ he kept saying, what was keeping him? Why couldn’t he just leave, that was what I really wanted him to do..to leave, to turn his feet around and walk.

I wanted to run down the road to the park to sit, to be alone. Why did I want to be alone? To clear my head? To cry? ‘Just GO then!’ my tongue snapped and with that he sharply turned and went. What had I done? What had I said?

Why was I sad..he had listened and was gone, it was what I wanted, wasn’t it? NO! I wanted him to stay I didn’t want him to leave on such bad terms.. I just knew it was over. No hug, no kiss goodbye..how I long for a goodbye cuddle just one last time.

He died hating me and me hating him. He died alone, as did I that night.

her.

3 Feb

I saw them today

as I looked down from my window

on to the street beneath

I saw them.

Holding hands so happy in love

A tinge of green rage flooded

my veins.

I close my eyes

and when I reopened them

it was my hand he was holding

it was me he was holding

it was me he was loving

it was his heart that loved only me.

I turned and I looked up

to that window above

I saw a girl

so full of sadness

so lonely

with a longing to feel love,

and a loathing to fill my shoes,

to feel his touch once again,

for him to love her and not me.

I saw them today

as I looked down from my window

on to the street beneath me

I saw them

Happy.

Photography,girl,sexy,beauty,face,fashion-2c08082e819eda3f2d221ae1fc08c011_h_large

 

 

Gone.

30 Jan

(A poem I wrote many years back after my ‘fairytale break up’.)

For i can no longer take inside

the feelings I’ve gained without you at my side

my heart no longer beats

and my body no longer feels

my head keeps turning over and over

the events that led us to these ordeals.

loosing you has numbed me

for i no longer feel

what do you expect from me?

I never stopped wanting, nor stopped loving

but the pain left me running

in the direction that you weren’t coming.

I ran and ran until i turnt to find

you wern’t following

and realised you were gone,

sat there crying thinking what had i done

i ran in the hope you’d follow

not to be left alone in sorrow.

so i ran back the other way

in the hope to find and say

you’re my everything and I’m sorry

but when i got back

I’d been gone too long and you’d

already moved on.

so i was left with my mistake in my hand

tears falling, for this was not what I’d planned.

My Break up.

29 Jan

These few were written after my breakup with a love a thought was real but now look back years later and realise it was a fairy tale that never even existed. Sad to think how wraped up i was in a love that was only in my head. To chase someone who never held that place in my heart. All through the fear of being alone i stayed with someone when i wasnt even happy. *Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind*, i never thought id ever say this but if i could erase the day i met him i would… if you’re not happy leave, don’t stay just becuase you’re comfortable you’re wasting precious moments that you will never be able to get back.

A stranger has my heart part 2 (second part of a poem listed earlier)

I’m still in love with that stranger
The one i met that day
Who stole my heart in an instance
And still holds it to this day

It looks like time was against us
And the circumstances soon broke us
A love i fort wud last a life tym
Would no longer be mine,

A stranger who became a friend,
A stranger who became my love,
Became a stranger once again…

I’m in love with a stranger
And I’m not afraid to say
A stranger has my heart
On this very day.

</3
x

By morning

Every morning I wake, hoping your there
An every time my heart breaks to find there’s no one there
I sit there and stare at your picture in the hope
That if I try hard enough you’ll appear
My imagination tries to re invent your build
Your smile and your smell,
But every time it fails and its jus me left there sitting,
Without you, there.

By night

I finally got my answer,
But not the one I wanted,
I got the one I hoped I wouldn’t hear
The one that followed with a tear
The one that meant all hope was stolen
And my heart left broken
For there was no chance
For that Us once again,
It was time to let go
Time to move on
My only motivation is sleep
To reach the world of dreamland
As it’s in my dreams where my fairy tale still exists
It’s still there, untouched, unchanged
It never ended.
Your still there with me
And we’re still smiling.
I guess that’s why I can’t wait to sleep again tonight
As it I know it won’t be long until we’ll be together once again
In the fairytale that never ends.
</3

The final ending

You didn’t text not even a call
I thought you cared
But it seemed not at all.
When i needed you the most
Your true colours shone
And i was left all alone.
I sat up waiting in the hope i’d hear
Your voice eventually in my ear,
Even when i went to close my eyes
I still hoped deep down inside
My phone would ring
And wake me from my slumber,
Your voice comforting me as my cover.
But all i had to clothe me from the cold
Was the blanket, of my mums to hold,
It smelled so sweet
An soon i was asleep
And before i knew it the night had come and gone,
And while i slept i heard no song
No ringing awoke me, no singing in my ear
No text to say you were near
When i awoke i felt my heart tear
The stitching that had been laid once there.
A once healing wound forced open
The healing process not coping
With the strain of this new pain.
The realisation finally beginning to sink,
In.
There was no longer a you and me,
Our boat had sailed,
Feelings mailed
In a letter to arrive too late.
An now in your heart you hold some hate
For the words I wrote on that date.
Spoken words from deep within
Made out to be such a sin,
As soon as i had mailed
I had to watch our ship sail
And my heart sunk to the bottom of the sea.
No longer held in your hand
Slipping like sand
The salt water cleansing my wound
From this self made tomb.
Closed in so tight, so out of sight
Waiting for the healing process to begin.
Forced to let go
Of a potential story I’ll now never know
All because you said so.

Touch.

28 Jan

I saw her today,

a face i hadn’t seen for a while,

she looked lost, full of confusion,

her beautiful eyes lacked their sparkle

and her face dressed in a smile

a lie even i could see

for through her eyes i saw her sadness

the shadow of loneliness lingered over.

Her mind wondering darkened allies.

For she was just a girl carrying a weight

a weight of pain of loves gone by.

A girl so misunderstood,

so mistakenly judged,

so unaware of her potential.

Such lonely eyes,

for all she wanted was to love.

I reached out my hand,

and in turn she reached out hers,

fingers touched, so cold,

my heart ached as i pulled back my hand in time with hers

as a tear fell from my eye in unison.

For it was just a reflection

created by the mirror that stood before me.

Alone.

27 Jan
I can’t breathe, i feel so claustrophobic, my hands are clammy and my hearts racing, eyes blurring, what is this feeling? everything wrong, everything! Feeling sick, stomachs turning, heads burning, just want to get out. To feel the cold icy wind against my face, the wetness of the rain, how i long just to get out, to feel the dampness of the gravel under my bare feet, how i long to smell freshly cut grass, to hear the sweet songs of the birds high in the trees. How i long to get out. To be OUT. To BE. To be alive. In here i feel dead, non-existent, not here. Although i am HERE…i am ALONE.