Tag Archives: expressive


14 Mar

it was just me

it had been just me for some time now
i did things the way i wanted
when i wanted
i didn’t need to think about anyone else
i forgot what it meant to feel
i forgot what if felt to miss
to genuinely miss someone.
i forgot what the power of someone else’s happiness
your life
felt like.
i forgot what it felt like to hold someone’s hand
the feel of another’s lips pressed against mine
i had forgotten it all

                                                                                                               and it was no longer just me.
© Misseldr 2012


9 Mar

Hours roll into days, days into weeks

half standing still, half still moving,

with no words to speak,

paint stained images pass my lids

stinging, burning, blurring.

You’re fading again,

my memory won’t hold you for more than a few seconds.

My eyes begin to water as I know that’s all

all my memory can give,

all it can squeeze out.

Each time a little less detailed.

Soon enough you’ll just be a shadowed figure,

the outline to a once filled shape.

© Misseldr 2011


3 Mar

‘My memory has faded, these events with it, some of which I don’t even know if actually happened or were made up, put together dream sequences…’ – Misseldr

(another snippet from my story I am in the process of writing)


4 Feb

How could he leave me like this?

I’m so selfish. Why was I so stubborn? How I wanted to just hold him close in my arms and show I didn’t care, everything was fine. But I didn’t want him to think I was a walkover so I kept my ground. Refusing.

I’m so stupid. He’s gone, we’re gone. FOREVER. Hearing those words leave his mouth, cutting me so easily, so deeply like tiny shards of glass, piercing my skin, releasing my anger.

I was so ANGRY, furious that he compared me to her. How he hated her and for him to say I was ‘just like her’ my heart stopped, our book slammed shut in my face.

What had I done? I’ve messed it up. But it wasn’t me, it was him. He’s messing with my mind, switching and turning. It WAS HIM. He started it. I hated him I wanted him gone. How silly of me.

I want him back, I want him now. ‘I want to go’ he kept saying, what was keeping him? Why couldn’t he just leave, that was what I really wanted him to do..to leave, to turn his feet around and walk.

I wanted to run down the road to the park to sit, to be alone. Why did I want to be alone? To clear my head? To cry? ‘Just GO then!’ my tongue snapped and with that he sharply turned and went. What had I done? What had I said?

Why was I sad..he had listened and was gone, it was what I wanted, wasn’t it? NO! I wanted him to stay I didn’t want him to leave on such bad terms.. I just knew it was over. No hug, no kiss goodbye..how I long for a goodbye cuddle just one last time.

He died hating me and me hating him. He died alone, as did I that night.


3 Feb

I saw them today

as I looked down from my window

on to the street beneath

I saw them.

Holding hands so happy in love

A tinge of green rage flooded

my veins.

I close my eyes

and when I reopened them

it was my hand he was holding

it was me he was holding

it was me he was loving

it was his heart that loved only me.

I turned and I looked up

to that window above

I saw a girl

so full of sadness

so lonely

with a longing to feel love,

and a loathing to fill my shoes,

to feel his touch once again,

for him to love her and not me.

I saw them today

as I looked down from my window

on to the street beneath me

I saw them





The last petal.

3 Feb

I went back there,
I went back to where i last saw you,
And you were there
Sitting, staring.

I walked towards you half smiling
I held the door handle in my palm
And pulled the door shut.
Still smiling i turned
And i walked.

Walked away
For i knew that was our last night
Our last place of meeting
And that you wernt really there
For this was jus a memory incased vision
I couldn’t stop smiling
For now i knew i was truely free.

Cupid withdrew that arrow
The arrow he once
Pieced my heart with
And my love was free
From your tight grasp
I was free.

And that stranger of the night
No longer held my heart
I was free.

A knight, a star.

31 Jan

If you are my knight and i am your star why would you need me to lighten your darkness?

If you are made of metal and i am made of dust..you shine alone, as do i and your silver sparkles drain me of my light as does the moon from the sun.

And so we can not stand together and must be alone.

If you are my knight where is my place? Where is my spot to shine?

..For a star can not lay on silver plates for it will not be seen.

If you are my knight where is your armour?

If you are my knight why am i still falling? For the night is ment to hold its stars in place and hold them tight in his arms.

If you are a knight and i am a star your heart is protected by armour and i can’t shoot towards you, for you are covered in armour, armour that not even bullets can pierce through to reach your heart.

So i shoot…i saw..and i bounce right back, for you are not a night but a KNIGHT!

You do not conceal day with your darkness, nor do you hold the moon on its journey or tuck the sun up before bed.

For you are a KNIGHT in shining armour who protects nothing but the land,
you ride a great big horse and carry a mighty sword,

But for you are not a night an i am but a star,

You are of the ground and i am of the sky.

There is a line that we can never cross,
it runs along the horizon and never seems to fade.

UNLESS the world favors our love over all others and the sky let its hold go on all the stars so i could fall in an instance…cross that line and land in your lap as you rode by.

But nothing stays perfect forever and i would soon loose my sparkle and my light would soon go out.

But it would all be worth it to be with you one last night.



30 Jan

(A poem I wrote many years back after my ‘fairytale break up’.)

For i can no longer take inside

the feelings I’ve gained without you at my side

my heart no longer beats

and my body no longer feels

my head keeps turning over and over

the events that led us to these ordeals.

loosing you has numbed me

for i no longer feel

what do you expect from me?

I never stopped wanting, nor stopped loving

but the pain left me running

in the direction that you weren’t coming.

I ran and ran until i turnt to find

you wern’t following

and realised you were gone,

sat there crying thinking what had i done

i ran in the hope you’d follow

not to be left alone in sorrow.

so i ran back the other way

in the hope to find and say

you’re my everything and I’m sorry

but when i got back

I’d been gone too long and you’d

already moved on.

so i was left with my mistake in my hand

tears falling, for this was not what I’d planned.

My Break up.

29 Jan

These few were written after my breakup with a love a thought was real but now look back years later and realise it was a fairy tale that never even existed. Sad to think how wraped up i was in a love that was only in my head. To chase someone who never held that place in my heart. All through the fear of being alone i stayed with someone when i wasnt even happy. *Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind*, i never thought id ever say this but if i could erase the day i met him i would… if you’re not happy leave, don’t stay just becuase you’re comfortable you’re wasting precious moments that you will never be able to get back.

A stranger has my heart part 2 (second part of a poem listed earlier)

I’m still in love with that stranger
The one i met that day
Who stole my heart in an instance
And still holds it to this day

It looks like time was against us
And the circumstances soon broke us
A love i fort wud last a life tym
Would no longer be mine,

A stranger who became a friend,
A stranger who became my love,
Became a stranger once again…

I’m in love with a stranger
And I’m not afraid to say
A stranger has my heart
On this very day.


By morning

Every morning I wake, hoping your there
An every time my heart breaks to find there’s no one there
I sit there and stare at your picture in the hope
That if I try hard enough you’ll appear
My imagination tries to re invent your build
Your smile and your smell,
But every time it fails and its jus me left there sitting,
Without you, there.

By night

I finally got my answer,
But not the one I wanted,
I got the one I hoped I wouldn’t hear
The one that followed with a tear
The one that meant all hope was stolen
And my heart left broken
For there was no chance
For that Us once again,
It was time to let go
Time to move on
My only motivation is sleep
To reach the world of dreamland
As it’s in my dreams where my fairy tale still exists
It’s still there, untouched, unchanged
It never ended.
Your still there with me
And we’re still smiling.
I guess that’s why I can’t wait to sleep again tonight
As it I know it won’t be long until we’ll be together once again
In the fairytale that never ends.

The final ending

You didn’t text not even a call
I thought you cared
But it seemed not at all.
When i needed you the most
Your true colours shone
And i was left all alone.
I sat up waiting in the hope i’d hear
Your voice eventually in my ear,
Even when i went to close my eyes
I still hoped deep down inside
My phone would ring
And wake me from my slumber,
Your voice comforting me as my cover.
But all i had to clothe me from the cold
Was the blanket, of my mums to hold,
It smelled so sweet
An soon i was asleep
And before i knew it the night had come and gone,
And while i slept i heard no song
No ringing awoke me, no singing in my ear
No text to say you were near
When i awoke i felt my heart tear
The stitching that had been laid once there.
A once healing wound forced open
The healing process not coping
With the strain of this new pain.
The realisation finally beginning to sink,
There was no longer a you and me,
Our boat had sailed,
Feelings mailed
In a letter to arrive too late.
An now in your heart you hold some hate
For the words I wrote on that date.
Spoken words from deep within
Made out to be such a sin,
As soon as i had mailed
I had to watch our ship sail
And my heart sunk to the bottom of the sea.
No longer held in your hand
Slipping like sand
The salt water cleansing my wound
From this self made tomb.
Closed in so tight, so out of sight
Waiting for the healing process to begin.
Forced to let go
Of a potential story I’ll now never know
All because you said so.


28 Jan

I saw her today,

a face i hadn’t seen for a while,

she looked lost, full of confusion,

her beautiful eyes lacked their sparkle

and her face dressed in a smile

a lie even i could see

for through her eyes i saw her sadness

the shadow of loneliness lingered over.

Her mind wondering darkened allies.

For she was just a girl carrying a weight

a weight of pain of loves gone by.

A girl so misunderstood,

so mistakenly judged,

so unaware of her potential.

Such lonely eyes,

for all she wanted was to love.

I reached out my hand,

and in turn she reached out hers,

fingers touched, so cold,

my heart ached as i pulled back my hand in time with hers

as a tear fell from my eye in unison.

For it was just a reflection

created by the mirror that stood before me.