Tag Archives: lost

My Travel Blog

10 Sep

My Travel Blog

To all my lovely followers on this blog… i am travelling the world for a year and have created a new blog to document my adventures..come and have a look ūüôā



blurred pages.

20 Aug

I need to get it out, it’s boiling up, spilling over the edges. I need to get it out.
Trying to keep it down, trying to keep it hidden but it’s starting to ache, it’s starting to show.

I need to get it out.

My mind is caged but she is rattling the bars, she won’t stay there for long, she wants out. She wants to be free, free to run wild through the fields of my conscience. She wants out and so do I.

To be free.

It’s like the pages of my book are being turned too quickly. Too fast for me to even feel the edges of the pages as they turn, to take in the musty smell of fresh ink. I want them to slow down, slow down so i can take in¬†every word,¬†every line. They’re turning too quickly and before i know it they’ll be¬†gone.


Feeling a little.. not quite here this morning….

10 Jan


This morning I heard someone whisper my name as I was approaching the end of my dream, that moment when you’re almost at the end of the tunnel and can feel the real world starting to take hold. I answered yes…just as softly as they had called my name…only to open my eyes and realise I was laying in my bed…
in the dark..


9 Mar

Hours roll into days, days into weeks

half standing still, half still moving,

with no words to speak,

paint stained images pass my lids

stinging, burning, blurring.

You’re fading again,

my memory won’t hold you¬†for more than a few seconds.

My eyes begin to water as I know that’s all

all my memory can give,

all it can squeeze out.

Each time a little less detailed.

Soon enough you’ll just be a shadowed figure,

the outline to a once filled shape.

© Misseldr 2011

LOVE-A prisoner to ones own disguise.

14 Apr

Through these holes I peer through onto the world, I see the world through two holes, circular, round, But the world seems so flat, so 2D As if I looked hard enough in a straight line I’d see the end. Maybe if I walked towards it I’d fall Fall, tumble and be free. No wind touches my cheeks just cold metal Like a frozen smile..my face remains still unmoving, unfeeling. A prisoner to ones own disguise. Hide without the seek, I am left never to be found For this mask conceals me. My fingertips keep touching, but no face lies there For all I can feel is metal, cold metal Feeling for an edge, a corner…nothing. Moulded to my face this mask remains. Like a triangle, no purpose..lines, corners Hidden, unseen, vanished, gone. Have I given in, has this mask hidden me.. forever? Became my identity? But it’s not me, I’m still here..hiding. BUT I AM HERE. I just can’t unmask myself, I’m scared… I’m scared to feel..to be seen.. to see..the real me.


25 Mar

‘Sometimes I look back and see your face, my face, our faces smiling, the perfect bubble that capsulated our ‘happiness’.. you were everything I ever thought ‘love’ was.. wait no, what love ‘is’… but then I look back harder..and I see that this image is a mere painting in my mind.. one that I painted myself..’


3 Feb

I saw them today

as I looked down from my window

on to the street beneath

I saw them.

Holding hands so happy in love

A tinge of green rage flooded

my veins.

I close my eyes

and when I reopened them

it was my hand he was holding

it was me he was holding

it was me he was loving

it was his heart that loved only me.

I turned and I looked up

to that window above

I saw a girl

so full of sadness

so lonely

with a longing to feel love,

and a loathing to fill my shoes,

to feel his touch once again,

for him to love her and not me.

I saw them today

as I looked down from my window

on to the street beneath me

I saw them






30 Jan

(A poem¬†I wrote many years back after my ‘fairytale¬†break up’.)

For i can no longer take inside

the feelings I’ve gained without you at my side

my heart no longer beats

and my body no longer feels

my head keeps turning over and over

the events that led us to these ordeals.

loosing you has numbed me

for i no longer feel

what do you expect from me?

I never stopped wanting, nor stopped loving

but the pain left me running

in the direction that you weren’t coming.

I ran and ran until i turnt to find

you wern’t following

and realised you were gone,

sat there crying thinking what had i done

i ran in the hope you’d follow

not to be left alone in sorrow.

so i ran back the other way

in the hope to find and say

you’re my everything and I’m sorry

but when i got back

I’d been gone too long and you’d

already moved on.

so i was left with my mistake in my hand

tears falling, for this was not what I’d planned.


28 Jan

I saw her today,

a face i hadn’t seen for a while,

she looked lost, full of confusion,

her beautiful eyes lacked their sparkle

and her face dressed in a smile

a lie even i could see

for through her eyes i saw her sadness

the shadow of loneliness lingered over.

Her mind wondering darkened allies.

For she was just a girl carrying a weight

a weight of pain of loves gone by.

A girl so misunderstood,

so mistakenly judged,

so unaware of her potential.

Such lonely eyes,

for all she wanted was to love.

I reached out my hand,

and in turn she reached out hers,

fingers touched, so cold,

my heart ached as i pulled back my hand in time with hers

as a tear fell from my eye in unison.

For it was just a reflection

created by the mirror that stood before me.


12 Oct

Our technology filled world is a cold place,
Hugs replaced with icons,
Kisses replaced with the letter ‘x’
Even physical contact has been replaced with facebook pokes.

‘i love you’ : the words seem stuck to the page, unmoving, distant and untouching.

‘I LOVE YOU’ you shout with th ecaps lock on, but still no feeling,
Just lines forming shapes known to us as words.

Feelings and emotions expressed by the pressing of buttons, the touching of keys, of individual letters strung together,
But each letter seems to hold no connection to its neighboring letters,
Stood next to one another in silence like soldiers waiting for battle,
Touching, but not feeling.

I miss you, the world before technology.
When words were beautifully joined to one another through the ink of a pen,
I miss when words had meaning, and didn’t lay flat on a page.
The sentiment of a thought out hand writen love letter,
An unexpected visit, encounter.

I love you words, spoken words with feeling.
The beauty of emotion in ones voice, in ones handwriting,
The beauty of seeing the words twist and curl from their lips into your ears.

You’re lost,
Body language so hard to read after technology has began to press and attempt to remould our minds,
A laugh replaced with an ‘LOL’
The beauty of a sigh blocked and surrounded by **
Leaving only our imagination to create the missing sound in our minds.

I love your voice, your body, your words,
Come back to me,

I miss you

*sigh* x