Tag Archives: regret

021106

4 Feb

How could he leave me like this?

I’m so selfish. Why was I so stubborn? How I wanted to just hold him close in my arms and show I didn’t care, everything was fine. But I didn’t want him to think I was a walkover so I kept my ground. Refusing.

I’m so stupid. He’s gone, we’re gone. FOREVER. Hearing those words leave his mouth, cutting me so easily, so deeply like tiny shards of glass, piercing my skin, releasing my anger.

I was so ANGRY, furious that he compared me to her. How he hated her and for him to say I was ‘just like her’ my heart stopped, our book slammed shut in my face.

What had I done? I’ve messed it up. But it wasn’t me, it was him. He’s messing with my mind, switching and turning. It WAS HIM. He started it. I hated him I wanted him gone. How silly of me.

I want him back, I want him now. ‘I want to go’ he kept saying, what was keeping him? Why couldn’t he just leave, that was what I really wanted him to do..to leave, to turn his feet around and walk.

I wanted to run down the road to the park to sit, to be alone. Why did I want to be alone? To clear my head? To cry? ‘Just GO then!’ my tongue snapped and with that he sharply turned and went. What had I done? What had I said?

Why was I sad..he had listened and was gone, it was what I wanted, wasn’t it? NO! I wanted him to stay I didn’t want him to leave on such bad terms.. I just knew it was over. No hug, no kiss goodbye..how I long for a goodbye cuddle just one last time.

He died hating me and me hating him. He died alone, as did I that night.

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